Choices
by Black Goddess
Summary: The rating is for one swearword. Matt likes Tai but Tai likes Sora. Sora gets pregnant. There are difficult choices ahead.. Contains TAITO and TAIORA


Choices  
By the Black Goddess  
  
Disclaimer: None of it's mine. Lyrics come from the Blink 182 album Dude Ranch (Track 3, called dammit if you really want to know!) '' means lyrics.   
This fic contains Taito and Taiora.  
  
  
'It's all right to tell me what you think about me.  
I won't try to argue or hold it against you.'  
  
"I'm sorry Matt." said Tai gently, his brown eyes full of pity. "I value your friendship a lot, but I don't feel anything more than friendship for you. I love you like a brother, nothing more than that."  
"It's OK" said Matt, his voice sounding much calmer than he felt. "You never know if you don't ask after all."  
"True." said Tai. "I won't let this change things Matt. I still want to be friends."  
"I should hope so!" said Matt, his voice full of a playful indignation he did not feel. "You've got such a swelled head Tai! I'll be over you by next week"  
"Well fine then!" said Tai laughingly. "I'm not even worth two weeks of your affection! I may be mortally offended!"  
"Well be mortally offended while getting the pizza out of the oven then" said Matt calmly, pushing his disappointment deep inside him, to be dealt with when Tai had gone. Tai laughed and went to do as he was told.  
  
True to his word, Tai hadn't let the news that Matt had a crush on him change their friendship in any way, and in fact seemed to ignore it so completely that he was asking Matt for his advice on how to ask Sora out and whether he thought she'd say yes just three weeks later. Matt however had not been true to his word. Even now, three years after he'd asked Tai out at the age of fifteen he still had not got over his crush. Tai still occupied many of his waking thoughts, and although he'd had relationships with both boys and girls since then, none of them had lasted for very long. Matt suspected this was largely because he kept comparing them to Tai and finding them lacking, and also would break his plans with them at a moments notice to hang out with Tai. Now at eighteen years old Matt was having to come to terms with the fact that his relationship with Tai would soon change for ever. Tai was still seeing Sora (she had said yes, as Matt had known she would) and the two of them were very serious indeed. Matt didn't know how far they'd gone. Tai was surprisingly coy for a footballer, possibly because Matt knew Sora or maybe because he did remember Matt's confession and was trying to spare his feelings.  
  
'I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons.  
The season is calling, your pictures are falling down'  
  
Matt was nervous about the idea of going to university. He had buckled down to work after Tai had rejected him and had achieved very high grades, much to everyone's astonishment, so now he was going to study astrophysics and train to be an astronaut. Matt was mature enough to know that nothing would ever be quite the same again once they had all left home and begun to move into adult life. The bond they shared would still be there, but it would be different. This worried Matt even more because he and Tai had already begun to drift apart. Tai had been acting oddly recently, refusing to discuss anything to do with the future, not even their careers, and spending a lot of time with Sora. They had hardly been able to spend any time together, especially as they had both been working hard. Added to that, they didn't even seem to have anything apart from the Digital world in common any more. Matt was interested in space travel and his band - in having a good time with the help of intoxicating substances and the occasional groupie. Tai was totally devoted to Sora and never even seemed to look at other girls. He also seemed to believe his body was a temple and strictly limited his consumption of intoxicants to the occasional beer. Matt's tastes were considerably wider, and he knew Tai disapproved. He wondered if that was one reason why Tai had pulled away from him. With his exams over, there was nothing left for Matt to do but have a good time and wait for the results - and having a good time invariably led to time spent recovering and trying to work out his relationship with Tai. At least they would both still be living in the same area, so things might not change that much.  
  
'The steps that I retrace, the sad look on your face  
The timing and structure, did you hear he fucked her?'  
  
"Hey Matt! Guess what?" asked TK, bursting into his room and opening the curtains.  
"Aaagh! What are you doing?" shrieked Matt. "It's the crack of dawn, you don't even live here and you're letting the sun in!" He buried his head under the covers and said in a muffled voice:  
"Shut the curtain and speak more quietly if you actually have to talk to me."  
"Firstly" said TK, obediently drawing the curtains again, "It's half-past three in the afternoon, not 'the crack of dawn', Dad let me in on his way to work and it stinks in here so I'd like the window open."  
"Can't whatever this is wait?" asked Matt grumpily, emerging from under the covers and blinking slightly. TK moved the curtain again to open the window, letting a shaft of sunlight in. Matt could see the dust motes dancing in it. He sighed irritably. Whatever TK wanted to tell him, he was clearly going to tell him now.  
"Go on then" he said resignedly, stretching and leaning back on his pillows. "Spill the beans."  
TK settled himself onto the end of Matt's bed and said  
"I was just talking to Kari.."  
"Just talking?" asked Matt slyly.   
"Afterwards" said TK with a grin, flushing bright red.  
"Anyway" he said, giving his brother a glare and continuing. Matt smiled.  
"She said that yesterday she heard Sora and Tai talking. Sora was crying, and Tai said 'are you sure?' She must have said yes, I suppose, 'cause Kari said it all went quiet"  
Matt's heart gave a great leap. Could Sora have been cheating on Tai? Might the dream team have broken up, leaving Matt with the opportunity to spend more time with Tai and maybe even ask him out again? But TK was still talking.  
"And when Sora left, she still looked upset, so Kari asked Tai what was wrong. Tai looked awful she said, pale and more afraid than she'd ever seen him. He wouldn't tell her at first, but then suddenly started crying and told her everything"  
Matt waited in suspense for the next line.  
"Sora's pregnant" said TK. "She's about four months gone. They've been trying to decide what to do, and they're running out of time. She'll start showing soon and everyone will know."  
Matt felt as if the sunlight TK had let into the room had shone inside his head, illuminating everything in dreadful clarity.  
"Of course" he said softly. "I should have known. This explains everything"  
"What do you mean?" asked TK curiously.  
"Tai's been strange recently - won't talk to me about anything and especially not the future. If Sora's pregnant then that explains it. That could change his whole future" said Matt softly, feeling the biting sting of disappointment that Tai could still never be his, and feeling guilty that that was his first response when hearing about his best friend's unplanned adventure into fatherhood.  
"What are they going to do?" he asked TK.  
"They don't know" said TK promptly. "Tai wants to get married." Matt felt that blow like a knife to the heart.  
"But Sora doesn't?" he asked  
"Sora thinks she's too young to get married. Fashion isn't really a baby-friendly career after all. I think Sora wants an abortion."   
Matt frowned.  
"Poor Tai" he said after a while. "Do you think I should talk to him?"  
"We hoped you would." said TK honestly. "Kari thinks that if they get married it'll destroy both their futures. She wants you to talk Tai round to Sora's point of view."  
"Why me? Why can't she talk Tai round?" asked Matt, his mind reeling from what he had just heard.  
"You're his best friend. He trusts your judgement. She's going to try as well, but she thinks you've got the best chance."  
"He has to tell me what's going on first" said Matt, thinking furiously. "I can't tell him not to marry her if he doesn't tell me he's thinking about it."  
"We thought you could invite him over for a guys night in or something, sometime soon when Dad goes back onto working nights. He'll probably tell you, and then you can give him your advice." said TK hopefully. "Please say you'll do it Matt, Kari's really upset."  
"That sounds like a good plan. Should work." said Matt thoughtfully. "I'll do it TK, but not for Kari. I'm doing this for Tai."  
"Of course" said TK innocently. Matt shot him a look as he got out of bed and headed for the wardrobe. He had no idea how much the others knew about his feelings for Tai. Sometimes he was sure that none of them knew anything, but at times like this he wondered.  
"Go downstairs and get yourself a drink or something" he instructed TK. "I'll be down in a minute."  
"Sure thing!" said TK cheerfully and went out of Matt's room. Matt quickly gathered his clothes together and headed for the bathroom. As soon as he'd locked the bathroom door, he dropped the clothes on the floor and stood staring at his reflection. Tai - having a baby. It was nearly too much for him to take in. There was always the slight hope that this might split them up, but Matt had to accept that this relationship was serious. Tai would never love him back. He wanted his friend to be happy - he always had - but the pain washing over him was strong. As he shaved he thought about it, wondering what to say to Tai. He knew he had to tread carefully. Tai would not appreciate Matt's advice, especially as it did not match his own wishes. Matt knew if he wasn't careful he could lose Tai for ever. He wondered sarcastically whether Kari knew that. He suspected she did and was relying on him to be clever enough to avoid it. He dressed quickly and walked downstairs to find TK making him some toast.  
"You looked hungry" his brother explained. Matt nodded his thanks. He and TK hung out for the rest of the afternoon, watching cartoons and catching up on all the rest of the gossip. TK left about five, and Matt immediately headed for the fridge where his father's work schedule was. His father would be home at six for dinner, but leaving again at nine to work 'til two. That should be OK. He could check with his father first, then call Tai and invite him. His fathers work pattern was like that for the rest of the week, so even if Tai couldn't make that night he might be convinced into coming on another day. Matt frowned to himself as he began to prepare an evening meal, wondering what he could say to Tai.  
  
"Dad?" he asked cheerfully as his father finished the last mouthful of the lasagne Matt had made. "Can I ask Tai over tonight?"  
"Sure. Just don't wreck the place!" said his father cheerfully. "I haven't seen much of Tai lately. How is he?"  
"Fine as far as I know" said Matt calmly. It wasn't technically a lie - it wasn't Tai who was giving birth after all, and Tai hadn't told him there was a problem anyway. "We've both being working hard."  
"What did TK want?" asked his father lazily, starting to clear up the plates.  
"Oh, the usual. To wake me up at the crack of dawn and make me watch cartoons with him." Matt's father laughed.  
"You call Tai, I'll do the dishes" he said  
"OK then." said Matt easily. He walked out into the hall, closing the kitchen door behind him. He stared at the phone for a second; thinking what to say. Finally he picked it up and dialled.  
"Kamiya Taichi speaking"   
"Hi Tai, it's me, Matt" said Matt cheerfully. "You fancy sleeping at mine tonight?"  
"Hi Matt. Short notice, isn't it?"  
"I just woke up this afternoon and thought I haven't seen you in a while. Then I had to wait for my dad to get back so I could check with him." Tai snorted.  
"Will he be in then?"  
"Has to be back at work for nine. Are you coming then?"  
"I don't know Matt. I've been feeling kind of off today. I probably wouldn't be great company."  
"Then you should definitely come! I can cheer you up."  
"I don't know Matt..."  
"Oh come on Tai, I haven't seen you in ages."  
"Whose on the phone Tai?" Matt heard Mrs Kamiya call.   
"Matt" yelled back Tai.  
"What does he want?"  
"Me to go and stay at his tonight."  
"Well, that's great! It'll do you good to get out. What time do you want me to drop you off?" Matt did a silent jig of joy. Tai would have to come now.  
"When do you want me?" asked Tai, his tone resigned.  
"Whenever you like" said Matt comfortably. "We aren't feeding you, and we've got everything in that we might need. Whenever you can get here."  
"How's eight o'clock then?"  
"Suits me."  
"Eight o'clock?" yelled Tai to his mother.  
"Fine by me dear. We can arrange how you get home later."  
"OK, see you then." said Tai. He sounded tired. Matt felt a small pang of guilt at deceiving him.  
"Bye then!" he said as cheerfully as he could.  
"Bye." said Tai and hung up. Matt replaced the receiver thoughtfully before walking back into the kitchen.  
"He's coming at eight" he told his father.  
"Great" his father said. "I'm going to go and lie down before I have to go back to work. I'll see you before I go."  
"Sure Dad" said Matt. He glanced into the fridge to see what was in there before heading upstairs. He had butterflies in his stomach. If Tai even suspected that Matt already knew his secret, Matt would be in deep trouble. Tai was a cheerful person as a rule, but he had a hot temper, and he didn't like being used or lied to. Matt knew that this would be especially true about such an important thing. Tai was obviously under a lot of strain. Matt put a CD on quietly and lay on his bed, wondering how to convince Tai to agree with Sora, worrying about the evening to come.  
  
Tai arrived promptly at eight. Matt felt a quick flash of pain when he saw how tired and strained his friend looked. He pretended not to notice anything however.   
"I figured we'd listen to music in my room 'til dad leaves, then take over the lounge" said Matt cheerfully, taking Tai's bag and heading up the stairs.  
"Fine by me" Tai said listlessly. Matt frowned. They talked about nothing until Matt's dad left - what they'd done so far in the break, what exams had been the worst. Matt told some funny cannabis stories, earning himself a disapproving look and a reluctant smile from Tai. Tai didn't seem very eager to volunteer any information. At about half-past eight, Mr Ishida stuck his head round the door.  
"Hi Tai. Haven't seen you for a while. How've you been?"  
"OK thanks"  
"You look tired. Been celebrating the end of your exams too much?" Tai grinned weakly and Mr Ishida smiled. He shot Matt a quick glance of concern even as he said easily.  
"I'm off to work now boys. Don't you be wrecking the place!"  
"Dad, you say that every time" said Matt "The house will still be standing when you return."  
"I was more worried about the windows" he said pointedly. Both boys had the grace to blush. Mr Ishida laughed  
"You know I'm only teasing" he said cheerfully. "Have a good evening. I'll probably see you again when I get in, even if I'm not awake when you leave" he said to Tai.  
"Bye Dad" said Matt.  
"Bye Mr Ishida" said Tai. Mr Ishida pulled the bedroom door closed and headed down the stairs. Matt grinned at Tai.  
"Yes! Freedom!" he exclaimed. "Come on, lets go downstairs." Matt headed out, Tai following. They made some popcorn and began to watch The Empire Strikes Back.  
"Tai?" said Matt cautiously when the film had ended. "Tai are you OK?"  
"I'm fine." said Tai woodenly, staring at the screen where moments before Luke had been informed of his father's real identity.  
"You're being so quiet, not like you at all."  
"I said I'm fine" said Tai coldly.  
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" said Matt, hoping Tai would take the plunge and tell him the truth. He headed into the kitchen to get a bag of crisps out of the cupboard.  
"Matt?" said Tai softly from the other room.  
"Yeah?" Matt called, grabbing a plastic bowl to put the crisps in.  
"Sora's pregnant." Matt dropped the bowl on the floor and ran into the other room.  
"She's pregnant?" he said, fixing his eyes on Tai's face, as if he was trying to work out how to react.  
"Four months gone. The doctor told her." said Tai, his voice betraying no emotion, no hint as to how he wanted Matt to react.  
"What are you going to do?" asked Matt, trying to sound shocked and horrified.  
"I think we should get married. I love her, and we could be happy together, I know we could! But Sora doesn't see it like that. She wants to have an abortion." said Tai. His face crumpled suddenly and he began to cry.  
"I'm so scared Matt! I don't know what to do" Matt put his arms around his friend and held him while he cried. When Tai's sobs started to lessen slightly, Matt asked carefully  
"How long have you known?"  
"Since the day after our last exam. We went out to celebrate and she told me then."  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? You're not alone with this Tai, you know I'll help you whenever you need it"  
"We hadn't decided what to do. I thought I'd tell you after we'd decided. Only we can't decide." sniffled Tai. "I thought we could get married. I know we'd be happy together, and we'd probably have got married anyway, just maybe not this soon."  
"Eighteen is too young to get married" said Matt softly  
"But Sora wants to have an abortion. She says it's not that she doesn't want to marry me, it's that she won't be able to go to uni if she has a baby in November. She wants to go into fashion, and she says she won't be able to if we have this baby."  
"Then maybe hers is the right decision." said Matt quietly.  
"How can you say that Matt? How can you say that murdering my baby is the right decision?" said Tai, going from scared and helpless to angry and defensive so quickly it made Matt blink.  
"Calm down and listen to me" said Matt gently. "If Sora doesn't want this baby and you force her to have it it will drive you apart. Maybe not soon, but eventually as she realises what she's lost. You don't have any money. She won't be able to make any because she'll be pregnant, then looking after the baby. You're going to uni, you won't be able to make any either. You'll be poor and trapped in a rushed marriage - neither of you will be happy. You and Sora won't break up over this, you'll still be together. Marry later if that's what you want, but don't get married just because she's pregnant. You only end up hurting everyone, including the baby."  
"And killing it won't hurt it?" said Tai angrily.  
"It's just a little lump of cells. It can't even live on its own yet. You want to think of this from Sora's point of view. She is having a child, someone that will depend on her for the next eighteen years at least, probably more. She doesn't have a job and she doesn't have any qualifications but she is very ambitious. If you force her into giving up everything she will resent you and the child. Your relationship will end because she blames you for destroying her life. One of you will have an affair, the other will leave or throw you out and Sora has a good chance of being the one stuck on her own with no qualifications, a dead-end job and a couple of children to support - something that you won't be able to help with much as you'll have no qualifications either and so will be pretty much in the same boat. Face it Tai, this baby will probably ruin everything."  
"How can you possibly know?" screamed Tai, tears pouring down his face. "It won't be like that, it won't, it won't!"  
"So what will it be like then?" said Matt calmly. "A white wedding, a happy ever after story?"  
"You don't know what you're talking about Matt Ishida. You can't possibly have any idea what this is like! Keep your horrible, twisted opinions to yourself you jerk!"  
"I just want to help you" said Matt helplessly. "I just want you to be happy Taichi. I don't want you to make a huge mistake" Even as he spoke, he knew he's gone the wrong way about talking to Tai. He could see the stubborn glint in his eye.  
"A huge mistake would be killing my baby" hissed Tai. "I'm going to bed." he snapped.  
"OK" said Matt. Tai turned and stalked out. Matt went back into the kitchen and began to put the crisps back into the cupboard. He suddenly realised he was shaking all over. He tidied up quickly, then went upstairs. Tai was in his sleeping bag and had his back to the door. Matt changed for bed, then said in a quavering voice:  
"Taichi I'm sorry." Tai said nothing, and Matt turned out the light. He lay there silently in the darkness, tears pouring down his face.  
  
'A day late, a buck short, I'm writing the report,  
On losing, and failing, when I move I'm flailing now"  
  
Tai refused to even look at Matt the next morning and left in silence.  
"What's going on?" his father asked gravely when he woke up. "Not only had you two gone to bed when I got home, you weren't even talking. Tai's left earlier than he ever does, and you didn't even wake me with your bickering."  
"We had a fight" said Matt, wondering if he could tell his father everything.  
"I gathered that. What about?"  
"Swear to me you won't tell anyone?"  
"Did Tai make you promise that you wouldn't?"  
"No, he didn't. This is important Dad. Will you promise?"  
"I promise. Now tell me what's going on."  
"Sora's having a baby. Tai wants to get married and keep it, Sora wants to have an abortion and get a career. I thought Sora was right and gave Tai my version of his life story if he forces her to keep the baby. Tai took great offence and told me I didn't know what I was talking about. Then he went to bed. We haven't spoken since, even though I apologised."  
"Could Tai force her to keep the baby? If Sora's ambitious enough, surely she'll make the choice on her own. It's her body after all."  
"Sora's very fair. She won't abort Tai's baby without his permission. If he's completely against it - like he seems to be - then I don't think she'd do that."  
"I think it's possible you should have kept quiet." said his father after a pause. "Tai's right, you can't know everything about what's going on, and although I really think the decision should be Sora's not Tai's anyway, I think that the decision should certainly not be yours. Besides, you know how stubborn he is. You may have made things worse."  
Matt looked stunned. Of all the responses his father could have made, he wasn't expecting that one.  
"It was a shock, OK?" he said defensively. "Tai - married? At eighteen? The whole thing's just scary. He and Sora make a great couple, and this baby will split them up."  
"You don't know that." his father said softly. "I agree with you, it probably will, but you don't know that. I admit I would probably have done the same thing, but I'm not sure that it was the right thing to do."  
"Do you think he'll forgive me?"  
"Whether he takes your advice or not, he'll probably be prepared to patch things up when the decision is made one way or the other. How far along is she?"  
"Four months" said Matt tonelessly.  
"The cut-off date for abortion in theory is 24 weeks, or about six months. After that it's too late and she'll have to have it. Tai may make up with you then. He'll need your support, whatever he decides."  
"I know." said Matt nervously.  
"If he does take your advice, you could be in even more trouble" said Mr Ishida vaguely as he headed downstairs.  
"What do you mean?" asked Matt nervously, following him.  
"If they have an abortion and regret it, it's all your fault. You might want to have your answer prepared for when that one comes up."  
"Oh God" said Matt. "I'm calling Akemi. I feel an emergency band practice coming on"  
"He won't be pleased to hear from you at this hour" said his father with a smile. "I saw him rolling home on my way home from work last night."  
"I don't care, I need him" said Matt and dialled. He managed to arranged a band practice for that night, and so spent the rest of the day practising his guitar and working on a new song he was writing so they could try it at the practice.  
The practice made him feel better, but walking home from it gave him time for some of his bad feelings to come back. The light was flashing on the answerphone when he came in. He hit the play button.  
"Hi Matt, it's me, Kari. I don't know what you said to Tai last night but he's steaming. I've never seen him like this, one minute he's crying his eyes out, the next he's making death threats against you and hurling streams of abuse in your direction. He's gone round to Sora's now. I don't think it worked. Thank you for trying anyway."  
Matt stared at the answerphone, depression settling in his stomach like a lead weight. Tai hated him now, and hadn't even changed his mind about keeping the baby. All he'd done was upset his friend. Matt made his way slowly upstairs and put his guitar carefully in the corner before collapsing face down on his bed and bursting into tears.  
  
'And it'll happen once again. I'll turn to a friend  
Someone that understands, sticks to the master plan.  
But everybody's gone, and I've been here for too long to face this on my own  
Well I guess this is growing up.'  
  
Matt stayed at home and moped for the rest of the week. Kari didn't phone again, and none of the other Digidestined contacted him. He declined Akemi's invitation to get plastered and then get laid and he refused Istu's offer of sex (which was a standing joke between them). He also refused Gendo's attempt to get him to talk about what was bothering him, he just sat there, waiting for Tai to get in touch.  
A week later, Kari phoned him again.  
"Sora and Tai are getting married" she said softly. "Thank you for trying."  
"How's Tai?"  
"He's still angry with you, but I think he's coming round. He'll probably call you in a day or two. You may have to be best man."  
"Thanks." said Matt, an unbearable ache in his heart. He hung up numbly, tears beginning to trickle down his face. The love of his life was getting married and he, Ishida Yamato, had probably forced him into it by telling Tai bluntly what he thought and making him even more stubborn. He had probably ruined his best friend's life. Matt cried himself nearly sick that night, crying for himself and his unrequited love for Tai, for the horrible life his friends were about to begin and most of all for the baby.  
  
"Do you, Kamiya Taichi, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"  
"I do."  
  
'Well I guess this is growing up'  
  
A/N Don't flame me for not ending this Taito - it just didn't work like that. I am a Taito shipper (but not a Sora basher). Please REVIEW! I read all my reviews, so your comments will not go unnoticed. This is the first Digimon fic I have finished!  
  
  



End file.
